Humour Satire

New flatmate always around

flatmate always around

Local flatmate Dylan Jackson, 27, is becoming increasingly frustrated  at flatmate Marsden Wilcox and his ongoing constant presence around the flat, said Jackson in an interview last Friday.

“The guy is always around. Whenever I go in to the kitchen, there he is. Whenever I want to use the bathroom, he is in there,” Jackson said.

Whether getting milk out of the fridge, using the laundry, or worse still, sitting in the middle of the couch, Wilcox’s increasingly mundane living habits are slowly starting to get under Jackson’s skin.

“The other night, it was late, and I was grabbing a yoghurt out of the fridge, and as I closed the door, bam, he’s standing there! Didn’t say a word, just stood there” Jackson said, wondering what Wilcox’s intention was. “I then went and sat on the couch, and he was already there when I sat down. It’s like he’s always there!”

Jackson and Wilcox have lived together since the beginning of the year, when Wilcox replied to a “flatmate wanted” ad on flatmate.com. Jackson now regrets not being more specific as to the type of person he was looking for, instead choosing to highlight the apartment complex’s incredible shared spaces like the indoor pool and gym.

“Even when he came over to inspect the place, he just pottered around, looking in the cupboards and drawers, even lifting the toilet seat” Jackson said. “In hindsight, I should have noticed the signs then.”

Jackson stated that his past flatmates had been un-noticeably “not there”, going out regularly, and even coming home with supplies for the apartment. Even sometimes bringing home dinner dates. But Wilcox  displays no such interest in the world outside the abode he now calls home, instead spending his time in the apartment’s living areas tapping his feet or playing Farmville.

“I can’t escape his presence,” Jackson said.

Adding to the ever increasing frustration, Jackson says he pays the rent and all the bills on time.

“He’s got money coming in from somewhere,” said Jackson, who only last week took on extra hours at the local bottle shop where he works in order to avoid Wilcox’s night time schedule of microwave dinner and Farmville on the couch. “I don’t know here the money comes from, he never leaves to go to a job.”

When asked to provide a comment on Jackson’s accusations, Wilcox displayed uncertainty.

“He’s enigmatic. It’s like he’s never here,” Wilcox said.

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