Humour Sharing Tips & Guides

5 Ways To Tell Your flatmate is a Psychopath

strange flatmate

Lets face it, choosing a flatmate, can be a bit of a crapshoot unless you’re lucky enough to move in with someone you know well.

To try and avoid the “Bunny Boiler” or “The Single White Female” scenarios use the guidelines below; unfortunately they are by no means foolproof.

They don’t have a pet

Whilst most view the prospective tenant who has a pet with a jaundiced eye, think for a moment of the positives; A psychopath would have killed it long ago, to see how it ticks, and then hung it from the nearest tree to scare away small children . . .  A narcissist would never own a pet; it takes away all the attention from themselves. Those who own pets are happy to take care of something other than themselves and are usually reliable.

They often use mind altering substances

When asking your prospective tenants about their drug/alcohol use, ask them in a totally non-judgemental tone and use the the word ‘often’ as this implies that you occasionally do and will make the prospective tenant give a more honest answer…..

Even if they appear totally normal watch out for “I use crystal meth every weekend” or “I use dope every single night and day.” Both can bring on psychosis. (Though by no means are we suggesting this of all users!)

In choosing flatmates, “moderation” seems to be our watchword, because neither do we, want to be lectured on the evils of alcohol every time we have a vodka!

They admit to certain idiosyncrasies. . .

Idiosyncrasies are what makes us who we are……but there a few which virtually shout out “I am a nutter!”

  • They use a slide and rule to line up the groceries in the cupboard.
  • Each one of their food items in the pantry is individually locked with a grade 120 chain and a padlock
  • You are hounded by notes, emails and txts to use the dryers of laundromats, even though the one in the laundry works perfectly well, and you are willing to pay ‘extra’ for use of “said dryer”
  • They (this is for a male flatmate) like to dress up in ladies clothes but staunchly refuse to admit they are a transvestite. (This can be accompanied by a few of your own clothes going missing!)
  • They like to sharpen their knife collection once a week (if not more)

They have parties once a month. . .

….. with other “like minded” friends which involve everyone getting naked at the stroke of midnight (if not before), painting weird symbols on their bodies and spiking the punch with something that ends up leaving a whole lot of naked bodies scattered around your house, no memory of the night before and strange puncture marks on various parts of their bodies.

Or they have parties every night, by themselves

Go with your intuition. . .

We can not express this one long and loud enough. Despite what people may say, our intuition, no longer needed to ensure our survival, still has a place in our everyday lives.

For example, we once had to pick between two prospective flatmates; one was kind of kooky and a little unfortunate looking, the other…well think Matt Damon…..we were truly torn…we had all but said yes to Kooky Boy, but who in their right mind wouldn’t want to live with Matt Damon right? Then we asked ourselves a simple question. If we were in trouble, who would we trust to help us?

So we picked Kooky Boy. And funnily enough, about a year later, he saved our life. Even if a flatmate seems too perfect but you get a decidedly odd feeling about them, GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT. It (almost never) fails.

Is your flatmate too weird?

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