We asked the internet what philosophy actually is, because we figured someone should check before writing 1,500 words about it. The answer: “a theory or attitude that acts as a guiding principle for behaviour.” Fair enough. People spend entire careers studying this stuff, so we’re comfortable letting them do the heavy lifting.
Turns out a lot of it applies disturbingly well to share house life. Not in a “light a candle and journal about it” way. In a “this actually explains why you’re still angry about the bin” way.
Here’s how six big ideas from philosophy map onto six things that happen in every share house, eventually.
Stoicism: the dishes you can’t control
Stoicism’s whole deal is the dichotomy of control. Some things are up to you (your actions, your choices, your attitude). Some things aren’t (other people, the weather, whether your flatmate ever learns what a sponge is).
The Stoics would tell you to stop spending energy on the second category. You can’t control whether your flatmate does their dishes. You can control whether you say something calmly, put up a chore chart, or decide this particular hill isn’t worth dying on.
Share house translation: you’re not going to Stoic your way out of a legitimately messy flatmate. But you can stop losing sleep over things that are genuinely someone else’s problem, and save your energy for the conversations that actually change something.
Buddhism: the good parking spot
Buddhist philosophy points at attachment as the source of most of our suffering. Not attachment like “caring about things,” but attachment like “clinging to how you think things should be,” which is a much more specific and much more relatable problem.
The good parking spot. The window seat on the couch. The mug you’ve decided is “yours” despite it costing $4 from Kmart and belonging to the house. None of these things are actually yours. They’re on loan from a shared universe that includes other people, and the sooner you loosen your grip, the less it stings when someone else uses the good mug.
Share house translation: the thing you’re most annoyed about losing is usually the thing you’d decided you owned without telling anyone.
Kant: the categorical imperative and the group chat
Immanuel Kant’s categorical imperative asks a simple question before you act: what if everyone did this? Not “is this convenient for me,” but “would this still work if it were a universal rule.”
Leave one dish in the sink? Fine on its own. But if everyone in the house applied the same logic (“it’s just one thing”), the kitchen collapses into a crime scene by Thursday. Same goes for “I’ll reply to the group chat later,” “someone else will buy toilet paper,” and “I’ll pay them back next week.”
Share house translation: before you do the thing, ask what the kitchen looks like if all four of you do the thing. Usually that’s enough to talk yourself out of it.
Utilitarianism: the chore chart
Utilitarianism says the right action is the one that produces the greatest good for the greatest number. It’s the philosophy equivalent of a group project, which makes it the most naturally suited to share house life of anything on this list.
A chore chart isn’t romantic. Nobody dreams of a rotating roster. But a boring system that spreads the load evenly produces more overall happiness than four adults independently deciding they’ll “get to it eventually.” Utilitarianism doesn’t care about your vibes. It cares about outcomes.
Share house translation: the unglamorous system usually beats the good intentions. This is also, conveniently, the entire idea behind Flatmate Circle, which exists so nobody has to be the one nagging about bins in the group chat.
Existentialism: it was your choice
Existentialists, Sartre especially, argue that we’re radically responsible for our own choices. No excuses, no “that’s just how I am,” no blaming circumstances. You chose to leave your bike in the hallway. Nobody made you.
This is a confronting one, because it removes the easiest exit in any house dispute: “I didn’t think it would bother anyone.” Existentialism says that’s not a defence, it’s an admission you didn’t think about anyone else at all.
Share house translation: own the choice, own the impact. “I didn’t mean to” and “I didn’t mean for it to bother you” are two very different sentences, and only one of them is actually an apology.
Aristotle: the golden mean and the 1am party
Aristotle’s golden mean says virtue sits between two extremes. Courage sits between recklessness and cowardice. Generosity sits between wastefulness and stinginess. And, if he’d ever lived in a share house, hosting sits between “never has anyone over” and “1am on a Tuesday, twelve strangers, someone’s ordered a jumping castle.”
Neither extreme is the goal. The golden mean isn’t about killing fun, it’s about calibrating it so the house still works for everyone in it, including the person who has a 7am start.
Share house translation: a good flatmate isn’t the one who never has people over or the one who treats the lounge room like a nightclub. It’s the one who can read the room, and the roster.
The philosophy of share house living, summarised
| Philosophy | Core idea | Share house lesson |
|---|---|---|
| Stoicism | Focus only on what’s in your control | Stop stressing about things you can’t change, act on what you can |
| Buddhism | Attachment causes suffering | Loosen your grip on “your” mug, spot, or armchair |
| Kant | Would this work as a universal rule? | If everyone skipped the dishes, the kitchen dies |
| Utilitarianism | Greatest good for the greatest number | Boring systems beat good intentions |
| Existentialism | You’re responsible for your choices | “I didn’t mean to” isn’t an apology |
| Aristotle | Virtue is the balance between extremes | Host sometimes, not never, not always |
FAQs about philosophy and share house living
Can philosophy actually fix flatmate conflict?
Philosophy won’t do your dishes for you, but it gives you a framework for thinking through why a situation is bothering you and what’s actually a fair response. Most share house arguments are really disagreements about fairness, ownership, or control, which happen to be exactly what philosophy has spent a few thousand years arguing about.
What’s the most useful philosophy for share house living?
Stoicism and utilitarianism tend to be the most practical day to day. Stoicism helps you let go of things outside your control, and utilitarianism is the logic behind almost every fair system for splitting chores, bills, or the good parking spot.
Why do share houses need “rules” at all if everyone’s an adult?
Kant’s categorical imperative is the simplest answer. A rule that only works because one person is being considerate isn’t really a system, it’s a favour. Shared rules exist so the house works even on the days people aren’t feeling especially considerate.
Is it petty to care about small things like the good mug?
Not petty, just very human. Buddhist philosophy would say the mug was never really “yours” to begin with, which doesn’t make the feeling less real, but it does make it easier to let go of.
Living with flatmates is basically applied philosophy, whether you signed up for it or not. If your house could use a system instead of another group chat argument, Flatmate Circle handles the boring, unphilosophical bits: bills, chores, and reminders, so you can save your energy for the bigger questions. Like whose mug that actually is.
